PREAMLBE

Over 2021 I cataloged every piece of decent-to-good media I consumed in my phone’s notes app.

I mean everything. Podcasts. Movies. TV shows. Music. If I didn’t hate myself for wasting time afterwards, it went in the list.

Starting January 1st, 2022, I began writing little reviews concerning each piece with the intention of turning my thoughts into a simple 10 minute video. But the more I went on, the less and less interested I became in actually making the video itself. It was fun to write the list, reminisce on the past year, but I didn’t really want to edit everything down into something consumable for other people. It was just, kinda, for me?

So around February I ditched the whole idea of making a video, and here we are.

I’ve decided to share my thoughts with you dear reader, but in order to get to the good stuff, you’re going to have to READ! Mwhahahahaha!

Thank you for giving even a half ounce of care in regards to my opinions on these things. And here we goooo!

The French Dispatch

Structurally ambitious, methodically detailed, and exceptionally acted, The French Dispatch is a SEASONED movie. The kind of film you earn after years and years of building trust with your cast, crew, financiers, and audience.

There’s just so much happening! 5 minutes passes and there’s 10 new ideas. 20 minutes pass and the movie doesn’t even feel like the same movie anymore BECAUSE ITS NOT!

At first, the film is a silly parody on the New Yorker (kinda the whole time but also you forget?). Then its a troubled romcom. Then its a noir caper. Sometimes we just randomly roll into a completely new visual style?! You like animation? Why not throw in some animation. We’re having a party here aren’t we?!

It’s wild, its free, it’s borderline overwhelming when you consider every part of the cinematography buffalo is being used. Aspect ratio, color, symmetry, nothing, literally nothing goes wasted, and all of it serves the story, every single time. The audience blasts cavalierly from moment to moment, barely getting time to soak in a frame before being launched into some other triumph.

Hark, I hear you screaming from behind the screen, shaking your fist in a tearful rage, “but I still don’t understand. What is it about Isaac? WHAT IT ABOUT?”

Well, I’ll tell you dear reader!

EVERYTHING! THE FRENCH DISPATCH IS A MOVIE ABOUT EVERYTHING!

Wes Anderson captures the portrait of like 16 different people’s very peculiar lives and their relationships with art, love, death, and freedom, wrapped in the tonal whimsy he’s grown so famous for producing.

There’s a dude who loves bicycles. There’s an art critic with a speech impediment. A food writer who doesn’t like to be asked the question “why?” Just go watch it!

Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels

The idea of “Pulp” is something that deeply interests me when it comes to movies.

“Oh this is like a comic book.” “Oh this is a 1930s creature feature.” Ya know, Pulp.

In my experience, people will call anything meant to feel a little cheap and crass “Pulpy”. Indiana Jones and Star Wars were based on Saturday morning TV serials, so they’re pulp. The Suicide Squad is pulp because they fight a giant starfish named Starro. That sorta thing.

The problem is, the more granular you try and get with that definition, the less and less “pulp” seems to mean. Like where’s the balance between Pulp and Non-Pulp? Is Arrival too classy to be Pulp? Because there are a lot of pulpy elements there. What about The Avengers, because those movies are CLEARLY trying to be pulp-ish, but they don’t really hit the same way something like Spiderman 2 does.

Is there more to pulp than just the “crass and cheap” thing? Corniness? Whimsey? What’s the secret sauce that takes you over the line in pulp film territory?

For me, I much prefer to say that “Pulp” is a sort of feeling. The US Justice Department “I know it when I see it” approach. And by my definition, Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels is a pulp cinema masterwork.

Literally gushing at the seams with machismo, the story of Eddy and his scumbag pub friends trying to pay back a gambling debt by holding up the next-door neighbors with an antique shotgun is just what I needed to get through the day last year. Guy Ritchie builds a world that’s clever and unique, the gritty visuals place you right into the headspaces of the characters, and the dialogue is snappy and cool.

Good Time

Rarely do you get a movie as frantic and natural as Good Time. The tale of a criminal who tries to break his mentally disabled brother out of prison after a robbery gone wrong.

The tension builds incredibly well, in no small part due to the soundtrack which is this electronic ramble of psychedelic sirens. The whole thing is panic inducing while also making you want to dance a little bit? Its so good.

Max bought me the soundtrack on vinyl for my birthday. THANK YOU MAX!

The characters are also so well constructed. Robert Patterson puts forth a performance that’s desperate, confident, and immature. Buddy Duress feels exactly like that one kind of dangerous kid you used to know. Barkhad Abdi is literally in one scene but delivers SO HARD that he almost steals the film away. People should be writing movies for Barkhad Abdi.

Leap into this one and be taken for a hurricane tumble.

Candyman (1992)

Where to begin with this masterpiece? It’s thematically dense, wondrously atmospheric, visually surprising, and I loved it. Yeah, I think that’s a good start.

Tony Todd is absolutely perfect in this movie. I loved Kasi Lemmons as Bernadette. Virginia Madsen puts the premise on her back and carries it up a mountain, ending with so many layers to her character that she surely must have passed out from exhaustion when production ended.

Every time I got comfortable or thought I knew what was happening the film threw a curveball. With a disturbing score from Phillip Glass and one of the most iconic slasher villains of all time, even if you only sort of like horror movies, don’t skip this.

ALSO

I am not linking a video with this one. Go in blind and come out better for it.

A History of Violence

I bought this at a goodwill after reading the description on the back thinking it was going to be a quiet family drama with some mob boss stuff thrown in for flavor.

IT IS NOT THAT.

Which I guess I should have known because the director is David Cronenberg? But I didn’t read that part…

A History of Violence is much more akin to what the title suggests - a blood filled meditation on humanity’s aggression and overall savagery. It looks deep into what acts of brutality do to an individual, to relationships, to communities, and asks the viewer to contemplate our natures with that in mind.

Tonally, the story itself feels almost traditional. Like a very good Twilight Zone episode but with more heads being blown up. Which, hey. I can def get behind that energy. I hope you can too.

Now here’s a video of Ed Harris punching a table.

The Map of Tiny Perfect Things

Timmy (my other brother) showed me this super cute teen rom com on Amazon Prime!

The Map of Tiny Perfect Things reminds me of a simpler age. Like, 2012-ish to be exact. Back when half the world was wrapping garbage in twine, saying things were “hipster” unironically, and listening to Matt & Kim on their ipod nanos.

If you have a fondness for that kind of energy, you’ll love this! If you find that annoying, I totally understand. Please stay away from this film.

Anyway, the plot is one of those Groundhogs Day ripoffs that everyone is obsessed with making right now. Two kids find out they’re living the same day over and over again and decide to make a map of every cool little moment they find during that one otherwise unremarkable day. And in the process they fall in love! AWWWWWW! And there’s actually some other stuff too that gives their relationship more dimension but I don’t want to spoil it. AWWWW!

Ya gotta love a film that’s good at delivering what it promises and then delivers a bit more too.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

You probably know the story of this one already. Jack Nicholson gets sent to a mental institution and becomes the rebellious leader to a bunch of very far gone patients, pushing the strict head nurse Ratched to the brink with his antics.

It’s an absolute bonafide classic (spelling?) with performances I don’t have to drone on about because a million people more qualified than I will ever be have already droned on about them!

But I will anyway! This sucker has an ocean of personality and incredible nuance.

Ratched is SO villainous, but not in a way that’s cheesy or hard to understand. Her motivations are actually rather pure. She does want to help these men, but she goes about it with such rigid formality that she ends up making things worse for everyone overall.

Nicholson is her vibrant, funny, counterpoint. Who lifts up his fellow man with a sarcastic smile and absolutely refuses to play with the system… to the detriment of everyone he comes in contact with. In the 70s I’m sure he was seen as more of an out and out hero. But with my 2021 vision, he’s clearly just as dangerous and delusional as Ratched.

Produced by Kirk Douglas, packed to the gills with character actors, and full of life, its certainly worth checking out.

Cronos

This was director Guillermo Del Toro’s first movie. HOW?

I’m serious. How? Did he sell his soul to the devil or something?

I have never seen a debut feature film from anyone with this many unique ideas. Ever.

Not only does Del Toro completely reinvent the concept of vampirism (while still being true to the myths heart) he does so with the most unsuspecting leading man of all time - a kindly grandfather - and then scoops you like 37 layers of theming on top of that!

The man wants you to EAT! It’s about family, its about class, its about religion, fear, death! Good lord. I love this buffet.

Cronos also looks spectacular. The way Del Toro uses color, the composition, set design, makeup, its all A tier and serving the story at every step. Compare this to other directors making early independent features in the 90s and Del Toro literally CURB STOMPS THEM!

The Following? GET SQUISHED NOLAN.

Reservoir Dogs? IT LITERALLY HAS ONE LOCATION!

Slackers? You’re kidding me right? Linklater WISHES!

And he filmed it – IN MEXICO - IN 1991 - WITH NO FILM INFRASTRUCTURE - HOW?!

Okay. Yes I know he had connections to a teensy bit of LA funding and had been working in special effects for a long time beforehand but still… this movie. It’s unbelievable.

In my opinion, Cronos is probably one of the greatest horror films of all time. And it was his first.

Shang-Chi

The cast is a blast, the CGI is fun, I likea the punchy hitty moments! Shang-Chi is a good, happy times, fun fun movie! Hooray!

Action-adventure romps with super likable characters and creative choreography seem to come further and further between these days, but this movie gets it done with aplomb. The mechanics of the rings are rad as heck, the Hong Kong wire fu stuff was everything I wanted and more, and the grounded set pieces still manage to have clear and creative choreography. I’ll say it again for the people in the back, Hooray!

Shang-Chi also manages to hit the perfect ratio of MCU-ness for a non-team up film. Ignore all the big swinging Kevin Feige “collect the magic jewels” plots and just give me a cool Benedict Wong cameo. That’s all I want. Let the story I’m watching matter before trying to sell me something else please.

Speaking of which, from a story perspective, the film is kind of a miracle.

Even though there are a hundred million people in this flick everyone’s motivations make sense and nobody gets lost in the shuffle. There’s his mom, his dad, his best friend, his sister, the crazy guy, the sacred villagers, the knife hand, the mythical dragon, the other mythical dragon, it never ends. But I never felt like the movie was speeding past important points or cheating me into a resolution. It was just sorta seamless? Not easy to pull off in a tentpole like this. Kudos.

Spiderman: No Way Home

The action is sick, the jokes are funny, and it has more pathos than you can shake a stick at. (that made more sense in my head than it does reading it… we’re moving on)

Jon Watts has done it again. I love No Way Home.

Like every good Spidey story this movie about the power of our choices in the face of tragedy, the miracle of our relationships, and the overwhelming weight of responsibility. But it also explores failure, fame, mental illness, and idealism. Even though No Way Home can’t always probe deep into these concepts, its fantastic cast still manages to stick the landing, with each Spidey’s charisma meshing in harmonious fanservice-y goodness.

But probably the weirdest aspect of the film is that despite being THE BIGGEST SPIDERMAN MOVIE TO EVER SPIDERMAN, No Way Home feels intimate. Cozy even.

Ya know, with big crazy crossovers like this Marvel NEVER allows their characters to sit in a room and just exist. But this film has a ton of moments where people lay out their feelings, philosophies, past traumas, and it makes the action on top feel like it means something when we hit the climax.

It may not be as visually interesting as Far From Home, it may not have the carefree joy of Homecoming, and you can feel the COVID requirements all over it, but dang. What a good movie.

The Hidden Fortress

Two unlikely scumbags are brought together to escort a spunky princess and her heroic guard across enemy lines in return for untold riches.

Sound familiar?

I knew that George Lucas has talked a lot about being inspired by Kurosawa when making Star Wars but I had no idea just how HARD he ripped off The Hidden Fortress before going into this movie.

And its not just the basic structure either. C3P0, R2D2, the edit wipes, the tone, PRINCESS FREAKIN’ LIEA! it all came from this movie! ALL OF THAT!

So of course I loved it!

You know how they say read the book before watching the movie? I think the same sort of energy should apply here. If you’ve seen Star Wars (which you have) pay homage to the original and check this sucker out on HBO Max. There’s plenty to differentiate it from A New Hope but it has the same adventurous tone, comic timing, and flair for drama.

Nomadland

Nomadland can be so intimate its painful. But it also keeps the viewer at enough of a distance that I felt weirdly voyeuristic while watching.

The story centers on Fern, a woman who is alone despite often being with other people, surviving off scraps in the American west. She takes odd Amazon jobs to support her modern nomadic lifestyle. It’s a harsh environment to be living in a van as a 60 year old woman, your only comfort being the strangers you meet along the road. But when painted with the brush of this grieving, prideful, but free person, Nomadland becomes more than a one dimensional sob story about a lady down on her luck.

Fern lives a life seemingly without masters until the second there are thousands. She answers only to her own demons, which she has no desire to stop and face. It’s the wandering tale of so many who are lost but know exactly where they are.

And it’s all so real. The extras are all real people Chloe Zhao’s 5 person crew met along the road. The locations, whatever place Frances McDormand happened to stop at. It’s honest in a way I have not seen a fictional film be before.

Rich in subtext and character - it’s insane to me that this director made a movie as middling as The Eternals after doing something as full as this.

Hero

I found this sucker at Goodwill and holy crap what a watch. If you were into the wire-fu of Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon then you’re gonna yarf down this flick with a spoon.

The cinematography is stunning. Like, I cannot describe it to you in a way that captures how good it is. You have to see it. Watch it just for that.

The plot can feel a bit all over the place (lots of time skipping and unreliable narrators) but the odd structuring is kind of its charm too? Hero is no Rashamon, but it employs the same tricks, and is fun in a similar way as a result.

The actors commit HARD and I can’t even imagine the physical stress they had to be under to complete this film. Definitely a good one to have in your lexicon.

Gojira

In preparation for Godzilla vs Kong I made a resolution to watch every single Godzilla film that’s ever existed… I stopped about 5 flicks in.

BUT!

The half assed attempted did force me to watch the original 1954 film and I’m so glad I did. Bleaker than I ever would have expected, with a fascinating structure, and characters that blend camp with genuine emotion, it truly is a one-of-a-kind experience.

How we went from something that complicated to “big-monkey-punch-big-lizard“ is kind of wild with context. Don’t get me wrong, as an audience member I’m glad I can enjoy both, but it certainly paints everything in a much different light.

New Nightmare

Wes Craven’s Scream changed horror movies forever. There’s no debating that – its just fact. And ya know, I kinda get it. Screams a pretty dang good movie. I love the opening sequence and there are some rock-solid performances all around.

But I am telling you people now. Wes Craven’s New Nightmare is a better Scream than Scream.

It deconstructs the slasher genre and horror fans BETTER a full 2 years before Scream came out, it’s filmed with more flavor (I genuinely had nightmares about the hospital sequence for days after my first viewing), and the characters have much more going on beneath the surface.

Also, just think about what an insane swing the concept of this film is/was?!

Nearing the 10th Anniversary of the film 'A Nightmare on Elm Street' one of the stars, Heather Langenkamp (PLAYING HERSELF), begins seeing Freddy Kruger in real life. When she discovers that director Wes Craven (PLAYING HIMSELF) is writing a new Nightmare on Elm Street movie (THE ONE YOUR WATCHING) she must replicate the journey of the fictional character she is supposed to play in order to save her young son (BASED ON HER REAL LIFE SON).

Can it be a little campy? Yes. Defo. But if you can’t handle a little camp in an 80s slasher homage? What are you even doing here?

Perfect Blue

Everything about Perfect Blue feels ahead of its time. It’s a horror story about identity, performance, and consumerism, all wrapped up in a big early internet bow that makes it incredibly easy to fear in a modern context. With shot composition that would make Hitchcock downright envious and a penchant for the surreal that makes every surprise all the more surprising, I will be inspired by this movie until I die.

The animation is breathtaking – hyper detailed and emphasizing just the right aspects of each plot beat. It’s physically arresting. Heart palpitations, “is it cold in here?”, arresting.

Kind of like Cronos, this was the late Satoshi Kon’s directorial debut, but it feels like the work of a veteran. I have GOT to watch the rest of hist catalog. I’ve seen Paranoia Agent (which also rules) but Tokyo Godfathers, Paprika, and Millennium Actress are 100% on my list now.

I couldn’t find the scene I wanted to show on youtube, so here is my favorite shot of the entire film. It comes about 7 minutes in and is our introduction to the more sinister side of Perfect Blue. As pop idol Mima gives her final performance before transitioning to an acting career, her stalker watches nearby. As close to the stage as possible in fact. His vision grows hazy in obsession. Holding his hand up to the stage, he watches Mima with a toothy grin, and imagines her almost like a toy figurine. Dancing in his palm.

Arresting.

West Side Story

This one! I am so glad it was good!

The most original thing on the planet? Nahhhhh.

I mean… most people know West Side Story. Or at least some version of it. Hard to be stunned by Romeo and Juliet, ya know?

That being said, Spielberg and co. play with the fact that everyone has seen this film before and bring a lot of fun twists. One I thought was really clever was how they used un-subtitled Spanish to underscore the main themes – especially in Anita’s arch – which for me ended up being the most engaging character of the entire thing.

But really in this mini-review what I want to talk about are the visuals!

Oh my gosh, now those’ll get your blood pumping! My new life goal is to craft a shot as cool as the puddle one during this Maria sequence. And HOW did they get that opening crane thing? So involved I could have SWORN it was CGI the way the camera glid throughout the city. But it FEELS so practical?

The way Spielberg and his long time cinematographer Janusz Kaminski are playing with light, and the “cages” of the city, and the theater-ness of it all is genius. Just genius. It’s the kind of craftsmanship that’s so practiced that ya just kind of melt into it. The camera elevates EVERY SINGLE EMOTIONAL BEAT IN THE FILM! UGH! STOP! YOU’RE MAKING THE OTHER KIDS LOOK BAD!

The Brood

This movie was friggin’ disgusting. David Cronenberg tells a super interesting story about mental illness, broken marriages, and the unconscious mind, with so much body horror that you almost forget the theming altogether. Regardless, I felt it deserved to be on this list.

It reminds me a lot of the movie Hereditary…except it doesn't always make sense. Or land the emotional beats its going for. And its got a grosser birthing scene. Way grosser. I reiterate, this movie was freggin’ disgusting.

Oh, and there’s pulpy zombie kindergartener death. There’s that too.

Overall, I don't know if really "like" The Brood? My relationship with the film is more akin to finding a cool rock that you just decide to leave by the river. Because even though it’s cool enough to pick up you don’t want to bring it home or anything. That’d be… I mean I guess if someone else did it that’d be fine. But I don’t want that thing where I sleep.

BONUS

The Square

The monkey sequence in this film is one of the most captivating, horrifying, spectacular things I've ever witnessed. When it was over I just kept thinking "how did they pull that off?!"

A Quiet Place 2

I hated A Quiet Place 2.

If you think about it even a little bit the whole thing falls apart. Like, I know some people made that same complaint about the first one, but for me, I could suspend my disbelief. With the sequel you, nah-uh. It’s paper thin garbo. So why is it on my list?

THAT OPENING SEQUENCE!

The shot composition! The sound design! The snap twist ending! YES! Literally if this entire film was 20 minutes I’d sing its praises forever. So good.